can't get started

Ugh, I am in dissertation hell. Have to write an approximately 100 page dissertation or "capstone" action research paper as the Americans call it (imagine the accent)and chapter one is due by midnight on Monday . 10 pages of garbage, as I see it. I'm a teacher, not a researcher on "To what extent is 'X' affected by 'Y'?" and also sub-concerns of how 'X' affects 'Y.' FAWK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Last semester hasn't even officially started yet and here it is, the dissertation, haunting my nightmares, weighing down my shoulders, wreaking havoc on these summer-like last weeks of May. Goddamn you!

I don't even know if I want to keep my topic of female relational aggression with a focus on cyberbullying and what teachers can do to intervene. I am thinking of changing it to how a balanced literacy approach in the classroom is beneficial to English and non-Engrish learners. I hate being a student. I hate teacher's college. The problem is that school really seems to love me.

So I kept forcing myself back to sleep this morning, until 2:30pm, having originally woken up at 9:30am, knowing that I had this to deal with. I had some oatmeal and coffee, made up a carpool schedule, listened to music, looked up lyrics, chatted on msn, shot off some emails, and basically fucked the dog in order to avoid doing this goddamn dissertation.

Anyone, words of encouragement will be appreciated.

How do you force yourself to do something that you have no interest in but know that the deadline is looming? I intend to finish this thing SOMEHOW by Sunday since I've got an all-night MJ tournament planned (no KFC allowed except for the food).

In the meantime, I'm gonna go and watch some FMA.

Listening to: LCD Soundsystem - All My Friends