true blood and grit

I am now an official member of the Ontario College of Teachers! Just need to forward my NYS teaching certificate and Medaille College transcripts when they become available in August and my file will be complete.

Applied to several jobs today:
- San Carlos Apache Indian Reserve, Arizona. Close to Tuscon and Phoenix. SUN!!
- 17 postings all over Peel Region, for Full-Time Permananent as well as Long Term Occupancies (LTO, ranging from Kindergarten (!!!) to grade 8 to a behavioural classroom. For postings that I am not qualified for (i.e. grade 7-8, special ed), I just added whatever qualification it is that I need as "pending" in my cover letter.

Keepin' the fingers *and* toes crossed!

I made it into LP school yesterday, for the first time since my placement ended in May. It was worth dragging my ass out of bed in the morning to see the looks of excitement on the grades 4/5's faces when they walked into the classroom. It was like old times again, me standing at the front of the class, greeting each of them. I know there is a divide between the "hands-off" camp and the "kids needs hugs" camp but I just couldn't resist hugging them all back. It was nice to hear "You're back! Can you stay for good?" and "Things haven't been the same without you." *tears up* I am going back next Wednesday to say goodbye, their last day of classes being on Thursday. As the end of the school year approaches, teachers are clearly anxious and the kids are hyper. Not much teaching happening now but I did do some round robin reading with them to calm them down after lunch.

In other news, I have put off writing chapter 3 of the damned dissertation. It is due in a couple of days but for the life of me, I just can't begin. It seems like a complete waste of time and focus when in the end, I don't even get a letter grade. Unless you count an "S" for "Satisfactory." I have no impetus to put an effort into this long-winded piece of crap. UGH! Well, I have been somehat distracted by the HBO series True Blood. I bought the first season this week and I can't stop watching it every night. Southern-fried vampires...mmm mmm good! I wish that I could put this much focus onto my work...

in a bad way

Creeping around
my parents' house at 5:19AM
Third week of sleepless nights
no respite in sight.
Withdrew all of my RRSPs this week
to make last semester's insane tuition
Damn graduate programs,
Stupid yankees!
Have yet to start my research project
put in 55% effort
and reap the undeserved reward of an A.
In the early hours of the morning
I'd sooner be at a nightclub
or maybe a different country
than be in my adolescent bedroom
wide awake.
Thinking about other matters,
like the river in Egypt
or bananas and oranges
I must..resist...
Try to block it all out
a la Spock.
Makes no difference how it feels.
Or else, I'll find myself
in an even worse way.

Listening to: Boards of Canada - Music is Math

can't get started

Ugh, I am in dissertation hell. Have to write an approximately 100 page dissertation or "capstone" action research paper as the Americans call it (imagine the accent)and chapter one is due by midnight on Monday . 10 pages of garbage, as I see it. I'm a teacher, not a researcher on "To what extent is 'X' affected by 'Y'?" and also sub-concerns of how 'X' affects 'Y.' FAWK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Last semester hasn't even officially started yet and here it is, the dissertation, haunting my nightmares, weighing down my shoulders, wreaking havoc on these summer-like last weeks of May. Goddamn you!

I don't even know if I want to keep my topic of female relational aggression with a focus on cyberbullying and what teachers can do to intervene. I am thinking of changing it to how a balanced literacy approach in the classroom is beneficial to English and non-Engrish learners. I hate being a student. I hate teacher's college. The problem is that school really seems to love me.

So I kept forcing myself back to sleep this morning, until 2:30pm, having originally woken up at 9:30am, knowing that I had this to deal with. I had some oatmeal and coffee, made up a carpool schedule, listened to music, looked up lyrics, chatted on msn, shot off some emails, and basically fucked the dog in order to avoid doing this goddamn dissertation.

Anyone, words of encouragement will be appreciated.

How do you force yourself to do something that you have no interest in but know that the deadline is looming? I intend to finish this thing SOMEHOW by Sunday since I've got an all-night MJ tournament planned (no KFC allowed except for the food).

In the meantime, I'm gonna go and watch some FMA.

Listening to: LCD Soundsystem - All My Friends