in a bad way

Creeping around
my parents' house at 5:19AM
Third week of sleepless nights
no respite in sight.
Withdrew all of my RRSPs this week
to make last semester's insane tuition
Damn graduate programs,
Stupid yankees!
Have yet to start my research project
put in 55% effort
and reap the undeserved reward of an A.
In the early hours of the morning
I'd sooner be at a nightclub
or maybe a different country
than be in my adolescent bedroom
wide awake.
Thinking about other matters,
like the river in Egypt
or bananas and oranges
I must..resist...
Try to block it all out
a la Spock.
Makes no difference how it feels.
Or else, I'll find myself
in an even worse way.

Listening to: Boards of Canada - Music is Math

can't get started

Ugh, I am in dissertation hell. Have to write an approximately 100 page dissertation or "capstone" action research paper as the Americans call it (imagine the accent)and chapter one is due by midnight on Monday . 10 pages of garbage, as I see it. I'm a teacher, not a researcher on "To what extent is 'X' affected by 'Y'?" and also sub-concerns of how 'X' affects 'Y.' FAWK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Last semester hasn't even officially started yet and here it is, the dissertation, haunting my nightmares, weighing down my shoulders, wreaking havoc on these summer-like last weeks of May. Goddamn you!

I don't even know if I want to keep my topic of female relational aggression with a focus on cyberbullying and what teachers can do to intervene. I am thinking of changing it to how a balanced literacy approach in the classroom is beneficial to English and non-Engrish learners. I hate being a student. I hate teacher's college. The problem is that school really seems to love me.

So I kept forcing myself back to sleep this morning, until 2:30pm, having originally woken up at 9:30am, knowing that I had this to deal with. I had some oatmeal and coffee, made up a carpool schedule, listened to music, looked up lyrics, chatted on msn, shot off some emails, and basically fucked the dog in order to avoid doing this goddamn dissertation.

Anyone, words of encouragement will be appreciated.

How do you force yourself to do something that you have no interest in but know that the deadline is looming? I intend to finish this thing SOMEHOW by Sunday since I've got an all-night MJ tournament planned (no KFC allowed except for the food).

In the meantime, I'm gonna go and watch some FMA.

Listening to: LCD Soundsystem - All My Friends

Just another Sunday in the 'hood

At work today at the open detention facility in the East end. So far, had brunch, chatted with the 6 teen hooligans who are so hyper, needy, and uncouth. I tried to coerce them into playing Scrabble or doing a poetry workshop but they were disinterested, instead, they tried to coerce me into procuring a tennis ball from the roof's gutter. After much cajoling, I went up the wobbly rusty ladder four rungs and chickened out. All this on the most blustery day this long weekend! They stopped harassing me seeing as i TRIED, and so i gave them a hard foam ball. To play Red Ass with, lol. I'm soaking up the rays outside, while they whip each others' asses, with a latex glove on their right hand (don't ask). Why can't they be content to watch movies all day so i can read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies in peace? Sigh.

Oh, and there's still the matter of the dead mouse in the laundry room to be taken care of. Green bin? Garbage bin? Mouse soup for dinner?

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Sent via my BlackBerry

Grade One

The last day of my practicum with my grade one class during the Morning Message, March 13, 2009.



Grade ones were a sweet bunch but a handful! Every Friday afternoon, I would go home and nap for a few hours, exhausted from the week. They are very needy and what seems like common sense to us is not the case with the sweethearts. Many of my professors have deemed grade one their favourite grade to teach because they say that it's the most rewarding grade where one sees the most progress. Children come in lacking social skills or the ability to read and by second term, they are amongst the most vociferous in the schoolyard as well as gone up five reading levels. The kiddies are obedient, respectful, and eager to learn for the most part. But they are also very young and are liable to burst into tears of homesickness or even soil their pants during a poetry lesson (yes, my minilesson drove a little boy to poop in his pants, haha). I loved singing songs with them, motions and all, as well as the many read-alouds and shared reading that we did as a class. Having completed the practicum in the Winter, what drove me crazy was how freaking long it took them to put on or remove their winter clothing before and after recesses, boots flailing everwhere, missing mittens, snowpants that were threadbare and held up by safety pins. What I definitely do miss are the spontaneous hugs children greet you with or even the random "I love you"s that they are prone to say just because you are their teacher.

Revenge of the Nerds

Qapla!

You Are 52% Nerdy

You may be a bit surprised with this score, but you are more of a closet nerd than an actual nerd. Stop denying your inner nerd! You're truly dorkier than you think.

How Nerdy Are You?

Listening to: Devendra Banhart - Lover

What Flavour Smoothie Are You?

Mostly for Didi's viewing pleasure.
Who the hell makes up these things? LOL.

You Are a Peach Smoothie

You are indulgent and a bit hedonistic. You crave luxury in all aspects of your life. You are passionate and even a bit temperamental. You have strong emotions. You are fiery and expressive. You don't hide what you feel, even if people may not want to know it. You are charming and a natural entertainer. People are drawn to your charisma.

Listening to: Cut Copy - Unforgettable Season

What's your tale, nightingale?

HepKat and I had quiche and americanos for lunch at Bonjour Brioche in Leslieville, and the rapport was great, catching up with one another about various life happenings. We've kept in touch since we broke up the past December, mostly over msn, and this was the second time we had met face-to-face (the first being an awkward sushi dinner before my Arizona/Vegas trip in late-February). After knowing each other for close to a decade, and the break-up being a natural progression in our relationship (more on that another time), I still consider HepKat to be a close friend of mine and I know he does too.... or does he not?

Lunch was almost 3 weeks ago and ever since then, we've been online at the same time almost everyday that I'm logged in, and yet there hasn't been the familiar "nudge" or "wassup" from him. No email, no IM, no phone call..... nothing. This is so unlike us, not to communicate for such a lengthy period of time.

I have my suspicions as to why.

Maybe I was too verbose over lunch, and then afterwards at his place, but at the same time, it was he that continued to ask me what was new in my life even after I exhausted the usual subjects. So I suspected that he was digging for romantical information.... and I gave it to him. Perhaps sprinkled with too many details? Should I have kept my mouth shut?

I remember walking away from him, after a brisk goodbye kiss, thinking that maybe, just maybe, some things were better left unmentioned. But, at the same time, isn't this what good friends talk about with one another? When is it ok to talk about the romantic future with someone from your romantic past?

Listening to: Hot Chip - No Fit State

Wolverine

Last night, I watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine for the second time in one week. Why, you may ask? It's not like it's an extraordinary movie. Two words: MAN CANDY.

May I present the evidence:

#1 Hugh Jackman aka Logan/Wolverine

Ok, I think that any hot-blooded woman would find this man indecently hot. Several gratuitous shots of his ripped glory are found in the scene where he fights the Blob in the boxing ring.... mmmmm rippling muscles.....mmmmmm..... or when he's jumping off a cliff, running across fields, shivering in barns (in the buff)....... or that scene of him coming out of his log cabin in the Rockies in his pj pants...

#2 Taylor Kitsch aka Remy LeBeau/Gambit *swoon*

I had heard from a few sources that my favourite X-Men character, Gambit, is being played by "some ugly dude." Ugly? I think not. Taylor is so cute and with my high expectations for this role, he didn't disappoint, other than the lack of an accent. It was more of a slight drawl but the charm was there. Here's hoping that he'll be in the next movie.

#3 Daniel Henney aka Agent Zero

Evil Eurasian hottie... I definitely want to see more of him. Wanted to post a half-naked pic of him but it looked like a pervy ad for American Apparel... not very becoming!

Enough said! It's worth the price of admission just so see the man candy in action!

update

I was awakened at 8:30 this morning by Snoopy's name flashing on my Blackberry.

Really?
8:30am?????

Good news: looks like Neil got the apartment!!!

test

is this thing on? how long are these margins anyway? after all this fiddling around, who has the patience to blog anymore? i am going to get me some more buttered toast.